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RELIGIOUS SCHIZOPHRENIA!

It all started when I was 20 years of age and I was cleaning out a closet and found a Book of Mormon. This was a copy with the gold Moroni angel on the front cover. I opened it up and it looked and read like the Holy Bible which scared me and I thought what a peculiar book. So later I asked the wife of my youth what was that book all about. She said her Dad was a Mormon and her Mom was but went back to being a Baptist. 

A year later her Father invited us to come to church with him and his second wife and to discuss churches. After an interesting talk and visit to the church, he said he would have the missionaries come out and give us the eight lessons that they had.

But I figured nothing else was working in my life I cannot lose trying out this new church. But I tell you that it was a whole lot of lifestyle changes. Throwing out all the booze, cigarettes, and other nefarious things in the trailer we started this new life. In the next few months, we lost all our party friends and did a lot of reading and jonesing for party supplies. 

Now during this time, I left the Cemetary Gang and that street life I was familiar with and tried adjusting to church life. I remember a turning point was when I was reading a church magazine called the Ensign and it said that "work is a virtue" and for some reason that hit me hard because I always thought of work as punishment. So I started to pray and ask God to help me with work and He was kind and I started to like work and got employed after three months of being unemployed.

Well to fast forward I spent twelve years being a dutiful member of the church. I spent all my time and energy in the church and living their way. It did help me grow up and be a better man, husband, and father and answered some questions better than other Christian faiths did. But the stress of such a life where there was a lot of judgment and busywork was getting me down. Near the end, I was in the Bishopric before I left the church. When I was in the midst of leaving many told me I was going to Hell for leaving the church because I had been Endowed in the Temple and would now become a "son of perdition". But nobody wanted to mention the heartache of a divorce I was going through!

It took me two years before I mailed my letter to the Bishop to remove my name because I kept thinking what if they are right and I am going to Hell for leaving! But eventually, through daily scripture devotions with The Upper Room and Holy Bible, I realized that the power of my faith in the atoning blood of Jesus Christ was stronger than any church membership.

Now those people had their own doctrine wrong about Hell, but let me go on and say that the majority of members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints were and are very kind and sincere people who genuinely love the Lord and are trying to live in such a way as will please Him according to their churches beliefs. 

Now The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has been considered by many Christians to be a cult because of many beliefs that are not mainstream orthodoxy. Quirky beliefs that have deceived the members are sad so show some grace to these people and try to share the biblical gospel with them. 

I have always been skeptical of Joseph Smith but I thought he could have seen a vision when he was a young innocent boy for I cannot say he did or did not for that is a matter of faith. Now with a third-grade education, he certainly could not have written and made up such a complex book as the Book of Mormon. But if he was a real prophet of that time I do believe he was a fallen prophet when he brought in polygamy and the taking of Masonic Rituals and applying them in the Temple. Now there have also been fallen prophets in biblical times so this is not as unusual as it may sound.

Now I continued on with my religious studies and became an ordained Baptist Pastor and also filled in the pulpit as a Local Pastor for The United Methodist Church. So for the last twenty-five years, I have done a lot of bi-vocational ministering and chaplain work.

So for the past six years, I traveled to visit one of my daughters in Provo, Utah. I was on Indiana time so I would get up early in the morning and clean up and head for the coffee shop. Then my chia tea and I would go to the Provo Temple grounds and I would walk and talk with the Lord as I looked at the flowers and watch the sun come up over the mountains. Then I would greet the groundskeepers coming in to work. I did a lot of reminiscing on my time in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and there were some good times and peaceful moments.

During those years I watched Heather (the only child of mine who remained active) and her family and they were doing so good and being so happy in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that it got me to privately re-look at the church.

I prayed and read The Book of Mormon again but did not receive a direct revelation that it is the word of God, and so this went on for three years. Though the book has many faith-building stories and speaks of Jesus Christ I never felt is was sacred scripture like the Holy Bible. I can see how The Book of Mormon and the Holy Bible could support each of the other's textual claims that Jesus is the Christ and the only Savior of the world. That it takes faith in Jesus to receive salvation and to walk into the waters of baptism after receiving such faith. Two witnesses in written form which one is sacred and the other a great deception. I have often thought recently why wouldn't Jesus want to visit His other children around the world to witness to them that the Atonement is complete and to come, follow him. 

I decided to research if there was a need for a restoration of the Christian church. I read the book The Great Apostasy by James E. Talmage and he produced a strong argument that the church would fall away from the truth and then need it restored back on the earth. I felt the Holy Spirit tell me that a constant restoration of the church is an ongoing process. We Christians are in an ongoing restoration of our faith throughout our entire life. There have been many restoration movements throughout the history of the church like the Great Awakening here in America that spawned The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and also the Stone-Campbell Movement. 

I was being told I was a "Closet Mormon" and in some regards they are right. I admire the close-knit community they have. But after months of going and sitting and listening to the talks given in Sacrament Meeting, I realize my theological beliefs do not completely line up with the church in many areas. Basics we agree on but after that, there comes a great gulf of the divide of belief on more than two or three topics. But remember where grace is given, grace is received.

I have listened to the General Conferences where the leaders of the church speak twice a year to the members worldwide and enjoyed some of the talks (they don't call them sermons or homilies) very much but some of the talks just did not speak to me or where I am at in my faith with Jesus Christ and Orthodox Christianity. 

The church is pushing Temples at a hot and heavy pace far more than ever and if attending a Temple is not in your grasp then you are just an outsider looking in whether you are a member or not. For those who do not know you have to qualify to get a pass to enter the Temple. Now the vast majority of members do not know that Joseph Smith the founder of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was a Freemason in the Nauvoo Masonic Lodge and that some of the Endowment are influenced on the rituals performed within the Blue Lodge of the Ancient and Accepted Freemasons. I have been a Freemason know this firsthand so I am not making this all up.

So now looking at The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints through the eyes of experience, reason, systematic theology training, prayer, and the whisperings of the Holy Spirit I find that I now live in a time of religious tension between two very different faith traditions within Christianity. 

But I find myself at times enjoying the smells and bells of the Anglican church. I have realized that I am a hybrid of once being part of the Mormon Church and part Anglican with the Ordained legal papers of a Baptist Minister who grew up in the United Methodist Church. Now if that does not sound ecumenical I don't know what does! It also could mean I have "religious schizophrenia"!


















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