WHEN WE HAVE NO CONTROL

Saturday nights usually you go to dinner and then go dancing. Sometimes you take in a movie or take in a play or concert. But one does not think it would be entertaining to be in the ER with a cardiac event. But that is where I found myself last Saturday night.

All month long I have had different signs that something was wrong but did not connect the dots. Bouts of tiredness, trying to catch my breath, back pain, gaining weight with water retention, and rapid heart rate. Finally a trip to the care express where they discovered a very loud heart murmur at which they wanted to move me via ambulance to the hospital. I refused the ambulance ride and drove to pick up Roma and she drove me the rest of the way to the hospital.

In the ER they hooked me up to so many tubes and wires I looked like the Borg from Star Trek. Lying there as helpless as a lamb to the slaughter I felt like I was in one of the shows of Grey's Anatomy. I realized as this was all going on I really had no control. Yes, I could have refused treatment but that would be very unwise.

At this point in time I had to have faith in the doctors, nurses, specialists, medicines, and medical equipment. I had to have faith that the good Lord would be merciful to me and let me live. This was where the rubber hit the road as they say. I either had faith that God's sovereignty was in play with my life or my professed faith was an empty bag of air. I was at a crossroads of do you really have faith or you do not really have faith; is God in control or do I think I am in control.

First off I was definitely no longer in control and secondly, God's sovereignty was in complete control and this is where I had to trust God that He knew what was in my best interest. I lay there thinking about how many days left has God assigned to me. My control in life is very finite and what control I do have may I use it wisely.

Daniel 4:35 ESV

all the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing, and he does according to his will among the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth; and none can stay his hand or say to him, "What have you done?"

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